Years ago, when I was a busy working Mum with small children I wrote a poem about how stressful Christmas can be for mothers… I hope you enjoy it! Ho, Ho, HO!
Christmas is coming
(A Tale of Pre-Christmas Stress)
Christmas is coming
And Mummy’s getting stressed
She’s already planning
How the turkey’s to be dressed
She’s already hiding
Little thoughtful gifts
Just in case a neighbour calls
And wonders what she’s missed
Even though there’s weeks to go
She’s buying Christmas treats
All those nuts and fruit and stuff
That no one ever eats
Christmas is coming
Kids on countdown every day
Choosing Advent chocs for breakfast
No room for cornflakes here today
They’re glued to the telly
They’ve made enormous lists
The ceiling’s almost sagging
With the weight of hidden gifts
Innocently thinking
Santa’s coming with his sleigh
Whilst Mum’s already sinking
With the extra bills to pay
Christmas is coming
Now Daddy’s getting stressed
D-I-Y on Christmas Eve
Won’t put him at his best
Untangling miles of fancy lights
And hanging from a tree
He has been known to swear a bit
And mutter threateningly
And now that tatty paintwork
That last month she thought OK
Really needs a facelift
If the in-laws come to stay
Christmas is coming
Now the dog is getting tense
He’s left his own fresh gift
Among the bright presents
But the lounge is looking lovely
The new curtains are a treat
We just need to take our shoes off
On the carpets for a week
No relaxing with a mince pie
The new sofa’s much too clean
And as we cannot draw the curtains
Any mess will all be seen
Christmas is coming
And everything must be
Like a perfect story
Of the perfect family.
Everything is in its place
A tree that shines so bright
Even if she’s knackered
And doesn’t sleep at night
Even if she’s grumpy
Even if she’s cross
Everyone must smile now
After all, she is the boss
Christmas is coming
Recite the litany
It’s Asda for the pudding
M&S for the turkey
Sainsbury’s do the best mince pies
Don’t forget the brandy butter
If you get it wrong, God Help you
(She will turn into a nutter!)
For she’s making all this out of love
She’s done it all for you
So woe betide if you don’t say
The things she wants you to.
Christmas is here now!
The turkey’s looking blue
It should have started thawing
But there were other things to do
Mummy’s started drinking
Even though it’s only ten
We all know what she’s thinking
Who’s idea was this lot then?
I’d be happy with a sandwich
I don’t need this fuss and strife
I’d be fine here all alone
No more mother, no more wife
Christmas is here now!
And by now the joy has gone
All the shiny faces
Looking wary, one by one
Be afraid if on the day
You say the meat is tough
The gravy’s cold, the sprouts are grey
She’s really had enough
For planning this perfection
And putting you all first
She demands some gratitude
Or else she’ll surely burst
Christmas is here now!
Thank God it’s just a day
And we can be the way we were
Before she went “that way”…
Ho, Ho, HO!
Sending lots of love to stressed out Mummies and Daddies everywhere… please give yourself permission to enjoy it!